Every Teardrop is a Waterfall
by 2theSky
Summary: Tesler's just offered his grand... "reward"... and it's leaving Beck more exhausted than ever, proving that even the Renegade has his breaking points.


Beck couldn't believe it...

Well, that wasn't true. He could believe it- it was more along scratchy and sketchy lines of the fact that he didn't want to believe it.

"No curfew? Please... Tesler's troups have taken over everything."

He watched as Zed's brown eyes pulsed with more than a momentary flash of irritation; it was more of a building grudge from taking on all of those double shifts; it was having their way of life seemingly mangled and twisted by CLU in what seemed like an unrepairable state; it was that Beck was never around...

Beck looked away, his own brown eyes filled with determination, nervousness, and what had truly gone unnoticed by his friends, exhaustion. He felt more than a little unsettled at Tesler's seemingly beautiful offer. Yes, hand over the blasted Renegade, the Tron impostor, and get the only car "to ever outrun a lightjet."

Somehow, Beck almost smirked at the thought, he just couldn't cave in and stoop to Tesler's incredibly shabby low. He wondered briefly whose plan it had been... Pavel's? Paige's? Possibly CLU's-

"Told you so," Zed snapped, catching Beck's weary attention. "Been this way for a while now. Of course you'd know that... if you hung out with us like you used to."

Beck sighed, unable to argue against Zed's immaculate point. He was never around... he didn't have any time. Beck felt himself sway suddenly and quickly prevented the motion from continuing... he blocked out anything else that Zed might say just for a nanocycle as he wondered...

When was the last time he'd had any energy? He certainly didn't recall downing any of the shimmering liquid to build up the strength in his coding lately...

And when had he last slept? He couldn't remember that either- but it seemed like the last time he had, getting his coding to transform into the sleep mode and confirm it entirely so he was rested had been long before training with the ever-watchful and somewhat cold-shouldered Tron began...

When had he just had a moment to sit down and regroup the coding in his system that was slowly crashing with every dragging cycle? He... he hadn't even had the chance to in-

"Zed," Mara hissed, her unruly tone catching Beck, somewhat, by surprise; Mara wasn't one to use that tone, unless she was ticked off at someone. And currently, her blue eyes blazed with an iced over anger that was beginning to melt.

Beck bit his lip before letting a sentence fly out of his mouth that the very core of his coding screamed not to release, and that he was entirely too drained to even manage, despite the shortness of it. "... It's okay, Mara."

He almost frowned at Mara's slightly disbelieving look; she wasn't figuring it out... was she? He really hoped not... he had to keep this bottled up... he couldn't let them know... he couldn't.

"It doesn't matter- not much you could do about it anyway. It's all the Renegade's fault..." Zed drawled the end out, Beck not able to heed the tone of him being ready to continue his words further. He was too lost in remembering everything... it wasn't like he was willing the scenes of the recent past to play back in his mind, and then repeat themselves; they just did it on the blasted automatic function of merely existing. Bodhi's death started flashing before his eyes, the guard's staff lethally connecting with Bodhi's chest, cubes beginning to break away-

"... unless, YOU are the Renegade."

Beck jumped, startled. That, of all things, was NOT what he ever expected, nor wanted, to hear. He quickly recovered, a panicked glance in Mara's direction revealing a shocked face with an edge of the belief of betrayal on the horizon; a glance at Zed's showed a smirk that made him want to throw up. "Very funny," Beck laughed, covering his shocked expression; he saw Mara relax, thinking his shocked expression had all been an act; he only hoped Zed believed the same... "You got me."

Zed glared for a second, then grinned slightly. He'd bought it... Beck almost fell over in relief.

**"I turn the music up, I got my records on, from underneath the rubble sing a rebel song..."**

They... bought it.

"Look I don't wanna spend the night talking about the Renegade! I wanna..."

**"Don't want to see another generation drop. I'd rather be a comma than a full stop..."**

Beck knew he'd said something here or there, interjecting in the conversation... but he... he felt like he was swaying... like everything was blurred... like focus was unreachable.

**"Maybe I'm in the black, maybe I'm on my knees. Maybe I'm in the gap between the two trapeze. But my heart is beating and my pulses start..."**

The next thing Beck wound up aware of was the fact he was running behind Mara, leaving the heinous, orange "Welcome to Argon" sign behind his somewhat staggering footsteps; everything twisted as he trailed Mara, for some reason saying, "Come on, Zed. Let's go have some fun."

Why was he saying that?! How much had his muddled mind missed?!

How much... was he just faking until he tumbled into bed for so short a time in sleep mode?

* * *

Beck fell to the ground just inside the garage, his hands grabbing at the floor weakly. He glanced around, thankful that his blaring white suit was vanished into his normal black one; he didn't need his friends finding out the truth... not after tonight...

**"As we soar walls, every siren is a symphony..."**

Completely collapsed against the floor. He sighed and didn't bother to push himself up, not just yet... no one was around; everyone would be upstairs... sleeping... like he... should... be...

Beck sat up, feeling everything spin, and held his aching head in his hands. He sighed, realizing something cool and wet was leaving a streak down his all-too pale face. He reached up and gasped.

Tears...

He'd only ever cried once; after Bodhi died...

and now he was crying again.

Beck sighed again and felt his breath catch in his throat, his hands covering his sad, pain-filled brown eyes. The tears just wouldn't stop. He couldn't make them. No matter how hard he tried that night...

they refused to stop running in streams down his cheeks.

**"And every tear's a waterfall..."**

* * *

_-another oneshot! yay! :)_

_i'll update Hello, My Name Is- later this week. and he WILL have a name this time! :)_

_have a good day (or night, depending ;)) and God bless! :)_

_lyrics from Coldplay "Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall"_


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